Disclaimer: This is just for fun. The only reason I would actually submit this legislation for consideration on the House floor is if other members of the House are wasting our time with unnecessary legislation or political theater. But if that happens? You better believe I’m taking on Big Potato. Come at me Frito-Lay.
To address the widespread deceit by potato chip manufacturers who continue to sell comically oversized bags with painfully underwhelming chip content. This bill demands action, either chip manufacturers double the current contents in each bag of chips or shrink the bag size by half. Consumers are tired of being robbed every time they reach for a snack. We know we’re being played and it ends now. America, it’s time we bring about real change to the potato chip industry and I’m here to lead the way.
The Federal Trade Commission will be the lead agency for enforcement. Surprise audits and random bag inspections will be performed across retail stores, distribution centers, and random traffic stops involving transportation vehicles currently moving product. Bags found to violate this act will be immediately seized and redistributed to local food banks with a stern warning issued to the manufacturer.
Each violation will carry a minimum fine of $250,000 per product line per day. Repeat offenders will face fines that scale exponentially.
CEOs and marketing heads responsible for portion manipulation may be required to testify before Congress while being forced to eat a single serving of chips out of a family sized bag demonstrating how small these portions really are. Any effort to lobby against this bill will be treated as a potential conspiracy against the American public and investigated accordingly. I know what is going on and I see right through their lies.
This bill encourages coordination between the FTC, USDA, and FDA to ensure full compliance. While these agencies work independently, they must operate in a coordinated manner. There’s no room for disorder between departments when it comes to protecting consumers from chip related fraud.
The goal is simple. No more deceptive packaging. No more giant bags filled with disappointment. Americans deserve either more chips or smaller bags. Chip manufacturers have been laughing at us while we pretend to be okay with maybe 4 portions (at most) in a bag the size of a toddler’s backpack. This bill restores balance, fairness, and dignity to snack time.
Learn about my story: No chips related story, unfortunately. Just years of bitter frustration knowing that each and every bag of chips I have purchased have been comically undersized. Enough is enough, it’s time we take a stand against Big Potato and make this happen.
© Christian Hughes for Congress